Ahhh yess!!!

Last exam. Peace.

Two make ups tomorrow. Damn.

Ditch.

Brain Dead?

When, why and how does degeneracy set in? Am I degenerating? Has my thinking capacity gone down or is it just that I am a bit rusty right now? Is it going to stay this way? Will I be able to get back to the old me who was supposedly smart, intelligent, witty and logical?

Well, I have been busting my head over these questions for quite some time now. Maybe the post is a result of the cumulative effect of the contemplation that I have been doing over the past few weeks, and it had to come during my exam time. Exams do give you a good feel of where exactly you stand. My father has always taken the stand that one gets what he/she deserves and examinations are a perfect way of assessing one's abilities and working capabilities. I am sure a lot of people would love to refute me on this point. There is one simple argument which I feel is good enough, at least for me, to believe what my father says is right. I might sound very filmy around here, but that’s ok, some times even films reflect a few real life situations. If some one is actually good and is supposed to get something and doesn’t get it, nothing can be a logical explanation for him/her not having got what they supposedly deserved. The explanation will only be an excuse, never really a strong hold reason to refute the fact that the person was just not up to the required standards, in whatever context it may be.

Considering the fact that a lot of my friends and peers are right now going through the ‘applying for higher studies’, ‘applying for jobs’, ‘writing competitive exams’ etc mode, and myself fitting in a few of these at times, I have formed an opinion about the state of the result of any process that a human being seems to be involved in. The process, in some way or the other beats the person if he is not worth it. Now the argument against this hypothesis can involve a lot of real life examples. People will say that this person did not get this particular thing, yes agreed, but how did another person who did not really deserve some particular thing end up getting it?

It all lies in what we have been told is a standard for believing some thing. This person who supposedly did not deserve what he/she has got was somehow able to manage the situation or the process on the given day in such a way that things turned for him/her. Hence that shows the capability, of course in some different capacity. Eventually he got something because he made it to be his. Nothing comes walking to anyone. Those who get or achieve something, make it theirs and never really is anything a matter of luck or fate. And those who do not get something do not get it because there was something missing in them, something that let the situation slip away. Maybe this particular person was way better than the person who came out successful in the process in a lot of ways, but there was definitely a reason why the other person made it and this person was left behind. Now that is what the process beats you at. This might sound clichéd but it is very important to know what exactly it means. This actually helps to take the situations in a much better fashion as one learns to attribute their success or loss to their own doing and circumstances do not have any role whatsoever.

I tried to analyze my own doings and mis-doings over the past few years and tried to recollect what exactly happened and what things I did right and what things I did wrong. Well, today after having written an exam where I was doing nothing but complicating problems that would have been solved by me, had I written the exam with a mind that was seasoned to thinking and creativity a few years ago, I felt that I am no more what I was. Having come to a prestigious institute, I am supposed to have improved in thinking and expected to have a good grasp of technical knowledge and a feel for it. Those things kept aside, right now, I am not really confident about doing my numbers right. This does not pertain to the academics or career alone.

Two years ago, I would have spoken with a flair for irrefutable logic. Not that I cannot do so anymore, but I tend to drift away and blurt out base less statements, which can be brought down by a sensitive and alert mind within no time. Or maybe I feel that such is the case. Am I expecting a lot from myself or is it that I have degenerated and I am actually living it? I was creative, I used to draw and paint. I do not seem to be doing that anymore. I was good at math, I still am maybe, but I do not see myself doing any math nowadays. I used to enjoy good music. I do so even now, but I rarely listen to music now. I used to play. Now I can count the number of days on my fingers when I have actually gone down to play something in the current semester. Why this degeneracy? How?

What does one require? Sustained effort to head somewhere? Focus? But why? I believe that if one is really passionate about something then focus and sustained effort follow. Has this place not offered me anything that I can find passionate, or have I not done enough to understand and take up something that would have ignited a fire in me? Somewhere something has gone wrong. I am trying to trace my path back and figure out what went wrong? Is it only me who feels this way or are there quite a few people who go through a similar phase? I know it is not really a phase. It is more of a reality. I hate it when I feel that I am being averaged out. Yes, it is to a certain extent a big ego issue. ‘I’ has to stay, only then will there be some meaning to what I do. In turn, what I do gives meaning to ‘I’.

One need not consciously work and hence make oneself better about being in a good shape, be it mental, physical or emotional. Just being true to one’s interests and continuing the interest with certain discipline is what is of utmost importance. Other mundane things will come and go, it is only the interest that sustains one’s life. The most important thing is to learn that one should be the best at what one does and no job is an inferior job. Of course, the only way to have continued interest in anything would be to develop several interests over a period of time and hence broaden one’s perspective and the capacity to think. The ability to think might be a gift, but how well you nurture it is decided by how well you use it.

Hope I figure out soon what my real passion is and where I want to head. I do not want to feel tired of thinking and contemplating the reasons why I feel I have become degenerate or ‘have I actually become degenerate?’. I want to feel proud of myself ASAP.

We are all influenced. Those stand out who form their own paths through the influences. Do more and you will be able to do even more. That is how life works.

If you are not busy being BORN, you are busy being DEAD.

P.S.: Lite ra mama! ;)

P.P.S.: Thanks to Emma Gay( I like it!) MGM, CB, Kaka, Sania and the 'one and only' Gabbar who was probably THE person I had to meet to survive a real long day.

Special mention: Crap aka Crotchety for his Joint effort.

ICE & I

YES! There is internal combustion happening in my stomach. I have severe acidity. I am sleep deprived. The piston rings are about to fail and let the lubricating juices come out any moment. To top it all, I forgot where the relief valve is located.

In raw words, 'I am screwed' and I cannot help it.
Someone get me some antacid please.

STOP!!! This will change your life

You disappoint me if you are reading this post because you found the title catchy and interesting. I am sorry. Anyways, titles are meant to draw people to whatever they reflect. So I guess, the job is done. This one is written more for my own understanding and to reflect upon opinions. Have a close look at the web shot and if to see in precisely what the smaller text reads, enlarge the image in a new window. By sheer coincidence I happened to bump into this particular web page 'Expert of Persuasion'. Trust me it was a pure accident. I couldn't stop laughing for while and slowly it started sickening me.

Oh wait a minute! I am being conned by my family and friends. Everyone who talks to me wants to get something out of me and they do so without my knowledge.

Is that what these guys expect me to say? Sick!

I mean, let me look at it logically. If I am aware of the fact that people talk to me and get things done by me which they want me to do, then how on earth are they able to do it without my knowledge. My awareness is my knowledge. I am sure, any tom, dick and harry would agree with me. So how could I possibly know that someone is conning me without my knowledge of it and still be aware of that some one's existence and the fact that they are conning me?

I remember having read a strip, where Calvin is telling Hobbes that the best way to make money is to write a book on 'How to write a Self Improvement book'. Of course, it was Bill Watterson behind the child's brain. The bottom line is, the statement made a whole lot of sense. When I walk into any bookstore, I see at least 10% of the prime stacks or rows of books dedicated exclusively to 'Self Improvement'. It is just one of the myriad number of words or rather, phrase used for signifying something that has been so cleanly devised and whose sole purpose is to make the thoughts of the people who read such books even more convoluted. Eventually people who get into reading one of the zillions of books available in this genre, end up in a vicious cycle and they cannot live without such books. People call tobacco an addiction. I don't think there is anything more implicating an addiction than getting into the loop of 'Self Improvement'.

Let's get back to the web shot. It says, "Yes I am serious about improving my life and I am willing to learn new things". Holy mother! I ask myself, whether I want to improve my life. Pat comes the reply, "grass is always greener on the other side". Next I ask myself, whether I am willing to learn new things. Heck yes! I mean, come on, who wouldn't want to? Life is all about learning new things all the time, isn't it?

That is just my opinion. For my own sanity and clarity, I want to elucidate on why I feel so. Firstly, what does one define as a 'good life'? Today I would say that having a job good enough to get me two square meals a day, is what would make me feel that I am having a good life. A short while later, my thoughts run and I feel that I need to have good clothes to wear. Even before I am done consolidating my thoughts, my mind says that I need to have a house of my own and eventually a good car, a better job, hefty pay packet, beautiful wife, obedient and smart kids, industries, more money, one more house, ability to travel around the world... SHUT UP! Phew... Sorry for that. Sometimes my mind becomes a bit unruly. Never mind. Well, that was the materialistic part. On a different front, one can start thinking about the spiritual and moral aspects of life. I cannot really delve more into the nuances of those, as I feel that I myself am not really clear about life's meaning on those fronts. My point being, there is no end to what you want out of life. There is always scope for better things, in whatever context they be. Hence improvement is dynamic and is merely a state of definition. It varies for every person and is a perpetual one. PERENNIAL. Period. Perpetual, Perennial, Period... P for Plagiarism. Never mind. Period.

In one of the chats that I was having with my friend in the recent past, I happened to say that an artist's life would be the most peaceful and the best one. I went to the extent of saying that I would kill for an artist's life. My perception of such a life was quite rosy I would say. I thought that artist's do things at their own pace and only to their liking. They have no inhibitions about their work. And since the majority of the artists I have seen are not really materialistic in nature, and those who do possess materialistic things, have them not because they want them, but because their position and ability has provided them with it. What can be more enticing a life than living it by doing only the things that you love? My friend warned me and gave me a brief on something called as 'artist's block'. Only when I was able to understand what he was trying to tell me did I figure out that an artist's life could be hell and worse.

Is life all about wanting better things in life all the time? Or is it making the best of the things available? I guess the best solution to such questions would be to leave them as questions. Reflecting on these in solitude, and speculating are the best answers to the problems posed. Whatever it be, thinking that my friends and family are working their way about getting me do the things they want me to do for them would be the last thing I would want to do as a human. Disgusting! I hope, at the end of the post, I have not become one of those who con people into reading their stuff. Even if I have, heck, I don't care. I got my thoughts all sorted out now.

Agent 'Goosebumps' Smith

I sit down to plan my studies for the night as I have to give a make up examination tomorrow morning in IC Engines. I know, I know, you must be thinking that wow, what an amazing subject. Unfortunately, out here, it is as dry as it can get. It could have been far more interesting and I must say that I had more enthusiasm for automobiles before this course started as a part of my curriculum. Never mind, I still am a big automobile enthusiast.

Anyways, as I was saying, I sit down to plan my studies and decide that I shall start studying after watching a glimpse of a good movie for a while. Somehow, my mind decides upon 'The Matrix' and oh boy, I am not complaining. Smith managed to give me goosebumps, once more. Brilliant dialogues and even better dialogue delivery. The role of agent smith was just tailor made for Hugo Weaving.

Here is just a small excerpt from the movie. Try re-living it, I am sure you will have a wonderful time.


"Morpheus! Evolution, like the dinosaur... look out of that window."

"I would like to share a revelation I have had during my time here. It came to me when I tried to classify your species. I realized that you are not actually mammals. Every mammal on this planet instinctively develops a natural equilibrium with the surrounding environment, but you humans do not. You move to an area and you multiply, and multiply until every natural resource is consumed. The only way you can survive is to spread to another area."

"There is another organism on this planet that follows the same pattern. Do you know what it is? A Virus. Human beings are a disease, a cancer of this planet. You, are a plague, and we, are the cure..."

"...Can you hear me Morpheus? I am going to be honest with you. I hate this place. This zoo, this prison, this reality, whatever you wanna call it. I cant stand it any longer. It is the smell, if there is such a thing. I feel saturated by it. I can taste your stink and everytime I do, I fear that I have been somehow infected by it. Its repulsive, isn't it? I must get out of here. I must get free. And this mind is the key, my key.''

Smith is GOD. Period.

P.S.: I guess, I will crack the exam tomorrow.

Who the KING?

Notice someone?

Snob.

''Yeah! 'sup?''

''Huh!''

''All right.''

''We'll see.''

''Whatever. Like I care.''

''Later.''

Phew!!! Amazing sequence ain't it? It was this morning when I was headed for the daily chores, that I noticed 'The King' majestically seated on his throne.

Thanks to my 'N72' and its sequence mode of taking images (I so love bragging), I didn't have to miss out on one of the greatest photo opportunities in the recent times.. :)

See you around KING. Very soon.

Expression

I am about to go to sleep and being in the place I am, I can possibly relate everything to sleep. Well, a sane and normal person here, is either 'sleep deprived' or has 'over slept' on any given day. I do not understand why it is so, but then, not everything is under your control all the time.

The crux of this post is how things take shape and have an impact merely on the basis of the expression. When I thought of sleeping the word 'crash' came to my mind and it struck me that I should jot down the importance of what I was associating with 'crash'. I will put down what exactly happened that made me understand the implications of different expressions and leave the analysis to all those who have the capacity to think and would want to analyze even the most trivial things to the greatest detail. Well of course, some times, even I fall into that category *smirks*.

Setting: A class room with 'n' students and a very diligent professor who is trying to convey some message to the 'not so' diligent students. One of my friends is happily sleeping and another is explaining to me, the unparalleled ability to sleep, of the first one. For simplicity let us call the friend who is sleeping as X and the one who is in awe of such an ability as Y.

The simple fact that X is sleeping continuously over a period of four classes could have been expressed in ways as described below. As I mentioned before, I will leave the analysis of the two ways to people who would admire the subtle differences in the two, and the relatively big differences in their impacts, and also appreciate the nuances of the two.

* ''Dude! This guy has been crashing for the last four classes in a row. I don't understand how he manages to do something like that man. ''

* ''Dude! *Pointing at X's weary head* You know what this guy's been up to since the morning? Let me tell you the amount of efforts he has been putting in, in the past few classes. First hour, crash. Second hour, crrash. Third hour, crrrassh. And now, again, crrrassshh.''

No prizes for guessing that Y used the second way of expressing the situation. I am in awe of both X and Y, for obvious reasons. I would love to sleep, unperturbed by anything whatsoever. Every single fact can be stated in a way that amplifies the possible impact. I wish I learn to do it too. Every time.