Vome sweet vome

What is more precious than the sleep in the bed that you have been sleeping for 18 years of your life?

1. Your dog welcoming you
2. Mother's smile
3. Father's generosity (pocketo moneyo)
   
4. Brilliant weather
5. A dozen mangoes a day?

Na!
None of them.
They come close enough though.

After a gap of four months, I will be enjoying the pleasure of the brilliant nap.

I love my home.

IITian

This is not a brag post. It is just a reflection of a good friend's definition of an IITian. I am tripping over it. Brilliant fun. Here it goes:

"An IITian is one who does not fit any definition"

SP3 - The experience... Blah!

May 7th

Two of my friends and I decide to watch some movie, late night show. We end up deciding on watching Spiderman 3. Efforts went in contacting as many friends as possible and figuring out ways to get tickets for the movie. We finally decide to buy the tickets in black if need be and end up taking auto rickshaw till the theater.

Once we reach there, we wait for almost an hour to realize that we aren't getting any black tickets, and hence we need to book tickets for the next day. We end up buying tickets for the noon show for the next day.

Time for grub. It was 10 pm already and the nearest restaurant was Saravana Bhavan. We shuttle between the buffet and serving sections twice to decided upon the amount of money we are going to spend. Eventually we end up at the serving section and order the grub, which appeared to us exorbitantly priced, but then poor souls thought that the grub would be sufficient for our hungry stomachs.

Now comes the interesting part. The food arrives in vessels and containers that I remember having had my food in when I was a little kid. I meant, a little kid by age. I know I am still a kid though. Anyway, coming back to where I was. The food was not sufficient for one of us, let alone three of us. That was the second part of the dismal happenings.

We head back to the institute and get ripped off by the auto rickshaw dude this time around. I will come to the specifics later.

May 8th

We head to the movie in yet another auto and almost got ripped off again. We manage to enter the theater just in time and sit through the painfully coincidental movie, but filled with action that has become so cliched over the three editions.

As we had managed to wake up just in time to catch an auto for the movie, very evidently we had not had any food for breakfast or lunch. So it was time we had something to keep our growling tummies quiet. So 'Juthe' decided to buy sandwiches and cool drinks and get ripped off again.

Movie finally got over and we had to listen to the ugly rants(which, mind you, are not justified in the city of Chennai) of the auto drivers about the cost of fuel sky rocketing, their earnings and more and trying to coax us into paying them a fortune for the ride back to the institute. All this, at 3 pm under in scorching heat, while coughing incessantly and the fear of catching the fever that you had the previous night yet again.

The whole exercise cost me a brilliant Rs 400/-. All this for a movie that I did not even enjoy. What a waste! I know I am cribbing like a cry baby. It is justified. It definitely is.

And the review is coming up.

P.S.: Never think of eating American Chopsuey at a South Indian Restaurant. NEVER.

What tha ! ! !

It's not a original post. But then, what tha ! ! ! !

Something - Nothing

I was just wondering if god exists. Or rather, whatever was the train of thought that followed can be related to a very simple question 'Does god exist?'. I mean it is one of the questions which can have the train of thought that I had to find a solution. There can be many, but I haven't thought of others.

There are two things that one would say when asked a question 'Does god exist?

1. Yes he does
2. No he does not

Let us consider the first case which is kind of trivial. The triviality can be addressed by people who are reading this post themselves. If I see so many things on this planet and there exists certain relation between these 'many' things. Effectively we see things here. As said before, there is some relation between these things, which I am not able to define satisfactorily. But then, as there exists a relation between things, and by our understanding of time and other dimensions alone, there must have been things before these which lead to the things that exist now. Hence, there have been things before the ones that we are seeing now.

Now for those things to exist, there must have been things before them, so on and so forth. This is an infinite loop, and when we want to see the limit. There must have been 'something' that sprang up everything. That something itself is god.

There by the first case stands true.

Now coming to second case, we say 'God does not exist'. In which case, there must be 'nothing'. So if there exists nothing we can say god does not exist. But for that 'nothing' to exist, there must be 'something' that defines that 'nothing'.

Again we have two train of thoughts:

• I mean, for there to be nothing inside you, you need to be there. Similarly 'nothing' to exist beyond you, your existence is essential. Hence you are that something which exists.

• Similarly, for 'nothing' to exist, there has to be 'something' previous in line with it which was 'nothing'. This again ends up as an infinite loop.

Here the first case we considered an individual and proved that something always exists, and in the second case we considered the infinite loop. Hence we proved that 'something' has to always exist. But the result of the thought process is a contradiction with respect to the assumption. Hence, the assumption is wrong. In which case, god does not 'not exist'. Hence we come to a conclusion that god exists even in the second train of thought.

Hence god does exist.

P.S.: There can be flaws in the theory proposed above. I do not say that it is flawless. I hope that with better realization of things around me, I will some day be able to tell whether god exists or not, and if I am able to do that it would clearly mean that god does exist. Hence, god exists.

The Unforgettable Dream

The intro

I stand
I look down
Shining hair
I smell
The scent is intoxicating
I am moving
I feel
I feel the light feet on my feet
I move to the music
The caress of the skin
The eyes look up to me
I dance
The peck on the neck
The jolt down the spine
The world stops
The girl
A dream…

Ah!! The dream.

P.S : Joe Sat rocks.

Auto-Driver (I): A stint with an air-hostess

My job is monotonous. I like it though. I see people, I see more people. That part of my job is fun, though sometimes I have to get along with certain things that I do not really like.

It is my daughter’s face that keeps me going. I work the evening and night shift, so that I get to spend time with my daughter. She is only 5 years old, and I have one more year till she starts attending formal school. Till then I intend to continue working in the evenings and nights.

I got married when I was 29. Its been 6 years since. My wife and I decided to have only one kid till we are able to afford and realize the better life for the three of us. Lot of people in my community have told me to go for another kid. I am firm about my decision. Even if the whole community issues a fatwa against me, I will stand by it. I do not want my kids to have discontinued education like me. All the arguments which say that a lone kid remains a loner, and will always be in need of the sibling affection are true. But unless and until I am able to sustain the lives of the three of us, it does not make sense to get more affection into the family when the family itself cannot survive. One cannot live on affection.

Speaking about my work, as I said before, I get to meet a lot of people. It all began four months ago. On a Saturday night, I happened to pick up a few guys near M.G. Road at eleven thirty in the night. They had to catch a flight at 1230, and were in a hurry. They were a noisy lot, and I had a good time talking to them during the journey. It was a starless night, quite cloudy for a winter night. Customary to my work, I joined the queue of auto-rickshaws at the airport waiting for the passengers of the next flight to arrive. Since I had joined the queue late, I was anxious about getting a passenger for my auto.

The anxiety was well justified. I used to turn my eyes on every person coming out of the airport in the hope that he will take the auto first in line and I will get closer to the next person coming out of the airport. It is common practice that the auto drivers try to lure the passengers by approaching them well before they go in for the pre-paid service. Somehow that does not really work at the airport. I was anxious and was waiting.

An hour passed by since the time the flight had arrived, and it appeared to me as if all the passengers had already left. I was idle for 2 hours now. Everyday I work from 4 p.m. till 12 p.m. If I start late in the evening, I work late for an equivalent time. 2 hours of idle time meant, one fourth of my wages were cut straight away. I don’t know why I had taken that decision of waiting there. But then, something told me that it will be justified. I waited.

I lit a cigarette, and was sharing it with a fellow auto driver. The cold night was wearing me out, and there I was waiting for a passenger, with a cigarette between my fingers.

A soft and strained voice called me from behind and in a hurry I ashed my cigarette and turned around. The figure standing in front of me was that of a slender, fragile and scared girl who was trying to portray a bold image. She was wearing, what appeared to me, a miniature version of a school uniform. She was well groomed and looked pretty. She wasn’t the most beautiful girl I had seen, but she definitely had a very soothing appearance. The scared feeling was quite evident and she was making a futile effort at being bold. I felt as if I should be comforting her. Mixed emotions hit me. As always, my duty took over and I am really proud of myself for the same. She asked me if my auto was booked already, and I asked her to step in and take the seat.

She asked me to take her to her house and gave me the location and the directions and the journey started. Then began the conversation. It wouldn’t have been difficult for me to strike a conversation with any of my passengers, but there was something about this girl that made me feel awkward. I did my best to feel at ease in my own auto and tried to put her at ease too. I asked her as to why she looked terrified. She never expected a response like that from an auto driver.

She started telling me how every time she steps into a public transport vehicle, she receives glares from the male community of the society. She described the insecurities and the fears of doing the job that she was doing. Maybe she felt comfortable talking to me about her inner feelings and was letting herself go. She had been working as an air hostess for almost a year now, and had always feared the night. The job is such that it demands work at vague hours of ones life. I could very well understand her situation. The glamour of one world when comes down to another where it is not generally experienced or seen, things might take a different turn. And it is this realization that had made her afraid of everything around her.

She was a girl from a middle class background. That is what I could decipher from her house, and the surroundings. She told me that she felt really comfortable and secure during the journey and asked me for my cell number. I did not find anything wrong in giving my contact number to her, although I did enquire as to why she would need it. Her trust in me made her ask me for a favor. She asked me if I could drop her home every time she had a night flight back to Bangalore. Within an instant she realized that it would be unfair on her behalf to ask an auto driver for such a favor, as in our profession you never know which part of the city you are in at a given time of the day. She rephrased her statement and asked me if I could oblige, in case I was in that part of the city. I couldn’t say anything and it was assumed that I will be doing the job. I didn’t regret the assumption.

Over the next few months I picked her up several times from the airport and dropped her home. Every time I used to wonder as to how her job might be, what her daily chores are, how her family might be feeling about her job, and what her future plans her.

She used to call me in the afternoons to tell me that she will be landing in Bangalore at a specified time, and politely request me to be around airport at the same time. Somehow I used to get carried towards the airport and nearby areas and used to be there, at the airport, bang on time. But always, the timing that she used to give me was the time the flight used to land. Somehow in spite of understanding the basic fact that it takes an hour more for an air hostess to come out of the airport after the flight has landed, I used to conveniently forget the fact and wait there for an hour or more. To an extent this had its impact on my work and earnings. But it was well worth it as a girl felt secure and safe and some how I felt that thanks to me, the whole mankind was getting the security and trustworthy feeling. I started feeling good and gave myself the credit.

Once I did make a mention of the fact that I was losing out on working hours because I was waiting for her at the airport. The next time she bought a packaged meal from the airport lounge with some chocolates and asked me to give it to my kids. I thanked her and promptly reminded her that I had only one kid. I also told her that the gifts are always measured by the person’s intentions and never by the size of the magnitude and thanked her again. I also told her that I will be gifting her something invaluable.

Every time she used to step in to my auto, she was on the phone speaking with her boyfriend. In fact I used to be surprised and used to think whether she has a free phone connection. Because to me, speaking so much on the phone is just not plausible, and I somehow felt that it cannot be so for anyone for that matter. She used to get into the auto while she was on the phone and get off the auto and she was still on the phone.

One day, she told me that the taxis that she used to take earlier, in Bangalore and different cities were pretty unsafe. And when I made the effort of asking her what did she feel was unsafe, she told me that the drivers of the vehicles used to look at her through the rear view mirrors quite often. This made her uncomfortable. Before I could understand and ask her to help me understand the same, she went on with the description of the whole situation. It felt pretty bad. But I had to analyze.

I tried figuring out why that might have been happening. She was not the prettiest of the lot, nor did she sport revealing clothes. I did understand that being the only girl in the vehicle could have been a factor, but generally people do not have time to think about other things while on duty. Or maybe that was the case only with me. Anyway, after close analysis did I realize that her talks with her boyfriend on the phone might be triggering emotions among the drivers. I did not want to jump to any conclusions. But it was quite apparent. In fact, being a married man myself, my own ears had turned to her conversations with her boyfriend at times and the conversations were quite explicit to say the least. Every human being has feelings and it is probably not possible to shut the senses completely. So I concluded that it was her own actions and conversations that were driving the wrong things around her.

Next time I met her, I gave her the Holy Quran translated in English as a gift. It was the invaluable gift that I had told her about. I did feel that I should tell her what my analysis was. But somehow I restrained myself from doing the same. I asked her to read the Quran whenever she was free and felt like understanding life better and what Islam was all about. I have deleted her number and never met her since.

I really hope that the angel on her right shoulder takes good care of her. I do pray for her well being and hope that she understands the follies and good things in life.

I wish to fly some day with my wife and my daughter and hope to find her helping us out in the flight. I will feel safe and secure then.

Sensation, Perception, Conception

I had a brilliant train journey today, from Chennai to Bangalore. My N72 was wondeful company and Ayn Rand kept my mind working most of the time. I felt that this particular paragraph from her book 'For the New Intellectual' has to be put up on my blog. The logic seems just perfect. Though I tried to come up with arguments against the logic and reason that she gives in the paragraph, I couldnt really help but get convinced by her thoughts.

''Man's consciousness shares with animals the first two stages of its development; sensations and perceptions; but it is the third state, conceptions, that makes him man. Sensations are intergrated into perceptions automatically, by the brain of a man or of an animal. But to integrate perceptions into conceptions by a process of abstraction, is a feat that man alone has the power to perform - and he has to perform it by choice. The process of abstraction, and of concept-formation is a process of reason, of thought; it is not automatic nor instinctive nor involuntary nor infallible. Man has to initiate it, to sustain it and to bear responsibility for its results. The pre-conceptual level of consciousness is nonvolitional; volition begins with the first syllogism. Man has the choice to think or to evade - to maintain a state of full awareness or to drift from moment to moment, in a sem-conscious daze, at the mercy of whatever associational whims the unfocused mechanism of his consciousness produces. ''

P.S: I am an animal. I will, very soon, be a man.

A Tryst with DISTRUST

I have been closely following a set of events, my own life, national affairs, world affairs, and many other issues. These issues may or may not be relevant to me. But following something closely gives one, a deeper sense of understanding, I firmly believe. At the same time, I also speculate whether one’s understanding of things around are fair or are they biased as a function of other factors in one’s life. I know I am contradicting myself. I do not have a clear mind at times. I have tried to describe the whole process of trying to understand ‘what trust is, and what it means’ in the following few paragraphs. While describing the process, I have tried my best to follow a close outline. This in turn, has helped me to filter my thoughts and classify my feelings in a better fashion. I hope, at the end of it, things are more clear to me. Well, that has always been the intention of me jotting down something. Self realization.

Childhood and growth:

We all are deeply influenced by our parents, guardians, and elder people closely related to us. Well, the time of influence (not the span) is the childhood. We all are still in a state where we can be molded. The message conveyed by the family to the child, again, depends on the background and values of the family in general. Some families may try to inculcate a ‘good values’ system in the kid. The definition of ‘good values’ itself is subjective. What you consider to be good values, need not be approved by me. Hence, the essential difference comes in the childhood itself.

Anyway, I stick to one case, and one case alone. I was taught by my parents and people who influenced me that trust is very important in life. Since I was told by people who were my mentors, I blindly believed it. Ah yes! My father, mother and teachers tell me, trust is an important thing in life. Then it must be true. I need to trust everyone and in turn everyone will trust me. Life is so good. Peace.

Is life so simple?

Maybe.

I grew. I was a teenager now. It was time I get influenced by others and other factors. Still, life was good. I was having fun, and loads of it. I never looked beyond a certain dimension. I was innocent. Trust me (Ironical… isn’t it?), innocence is good. Television, movies, papers, magazines, friends, and family, all play an important role in one’s development during this stage. I was liking it.

Then sometime in my early teenage - Shock. I don’t remember what it was all about. But I did feel it once. That was my first meeting with distrust. I was taken aback. I mean, here I was, with a value system, which tells me that every being on this planet is perfect, and everything happens for the good. I still couldn’t question my value system. Very well, I thought, maybe it was something to be ignored. I went on.

It is funny but I have to mention this now. I was extremely addicted to WWF then. I used to follow every fight and sequence of events that were designed to entertain the viewers and keep them glued till the next session. I remember very vividly, Stone Cold Steve Austin coming on to the ring, creating havoc. More importantly, I remember his punch line: ‘’Never trust anyone’’. I am not sure whether he follows it himself in his off screen life. But it did affect me a lot. I used to go around screaming my guts out. A few people told me that I had gone insane. But most of my friends liked it. And we still had a great trust in one another, which was essentially a result of that screaming. Funny, but true.

As I grew, I realized life wasn’t that easy. I started seeing wrong things happen. It never really disturbed me. But it definitely made me start thinking. Since then, I have been meeting Mr. Distrust quite often. I thought more. Innocence was no more. More thinking.

Learnings:

Life became ugly. But, thinking gave a deeper understanding of things around.

I learnt that an individual has a choice all the time: the choice of doing the wrong thing.

Well, once again, the definition of wrong thing itself is subjective. This degree of freedom is available with every person, and the sanctity of trust lies at the core of this choice. There are people who choose to exercise this freedom, and there are others who do not. Which sect will one appreciate? This choice lies with you. And your choice defines the sect you belong to.

I think now. Has life really become ugly? Maybe not.

Implications:

You can either be happy being naïve, or choose to know that there are other things which will disturb you, but be happy at the same time that you have a better understanding of things.

''To learn something, one has to sacrifice the state of not knowing the same.''

TESTIMONIAL!!!

According to dictionary dot com the following are the definitions of a testimonial.

Testimonial:
–noun

1.	a written declaration certifying to a person's character, conduct, or qualifications, or to the value, excellence, etc., of a thing; a letter or written statement of recommendation.

2.	something given or done as an expression of esteem, admiration, or gratitude.

–adjective

3.	pertaining to or serving as a testimonial: a testimonial dinner for the retiring dean.

As I was going through testimonials on Orkut, I was thinking of what would be the best testimonial or for that matter who would be the right person to write one for someone. I came to a conclusion that there 'generally' cannot be a better person than oneself to write a testimonial for himself/herself, of course, as long as it is purely honest.

The following shall apply to the male members of the homo sapiens as there are certain critical components necessary which are not possessed by the other sex, which you shall learn about in the next few lines.

1. Who would know person X (a male.. please be patient) the best? As said before, 'himself'.
Now since he cannot write a testimonial for himself, lets ask his best buddies to do so for him.

2. Now who are his best buddies?
Lets see, someone who stays with him all the time can be classified as his best buddy.

3. Who stays with him all the time?
Hmmm, not at all a difficult question to answer... His 'Testicles'.

Ahh!! Now we have narrowed down upon who must write the testimonial for Mr.X . Lets try to figure out what a testimonial actually is. The above definitions are clear to everyone. There is one subtle thing that one generally fails to notice, which my mind(not perverted by any means) did.

TESTIcle - matriMONIAL !!!

I guess now everyone understands the concept behind this post. Hence I conclude that the best testimonial for Mr.X , or the most genuine one would be a Matrimonial written by his testicles on his behalf.

Kudos to all those who pioneered the language, and left such subtle hints for us to realize. And guys, start asking your best buddies for the matrimonial.

And more of it...

Realizations Realizations and more Realizations... That is all we are here for.

And now that you have realized that, you have just made your first step ahead.

Oh what a profound realization...

SCOOP!

Ever wondered how successful is India as a democracy?
Why did the partition issue even arise?
Was Hindi actually supposed to be our National Language?
Tashkent treaty - who was playing around?
Did Shastri die a natural death?
How bitter can the quest for power get?
Should Indira Gandhi be remembered for her guts or her whim?
Bhutto - assassinated?
How have the incidents since independence changed the fortune of this country?

This is not an ad, but a sincere suggestion to all to read the book 'SCOOP!' by Kuldip Nayar. The inside stories from the all time leading journalist of the sub - continent. The author describes his first hand experiences and the inside stories of various events since our independence. A brilliant read that gives a great insight into the Indian politics.

Check this for more insight...

I miss Naruto

There are times when one gets into doing something and before he realizes it he is not able to get out of it. I am, in a very concrete sense, speaking of addiction. All addictions are invariably resource consuming and very few of them actually are beneficial. The addict loses the capacity to decide whether the addiction is beneficial or not and eventually gets into a loop where in he lives under an illusion most of the times that the addiction is beneficial in some big way and tries to justify the addiction. I was addicted to watching Naruto, and I am glad I was.

Anyways, not deviating from my subject, let me get down to expressing my heart felt feelings about one of my favourite anime series. I started watching Naruto in the later period of the 4th semester. It was a big wave and quite a few guys I knew were addicted to it and gave me serious recommendations. I happened to watch the initial episodes out of curioisity and then there was no stopping. Quite a few people I know hate Naruto. There are quite a few reasons I love the series, the characters (of course, behaving like super humans), the well drafted comedy in it and of course, how can I forget the story line.

The main character, Uzumaki Naruto supposedly has a fox with 9 tails locked inside him which gives him immense potential and it is left to him to learn and exploit the power that lies within him. The power kept aside, what inspires me is the 'never give up' attitude that he has. Though almost everything depicted in the series is humanly impossible, still one can appreciate the message that the character tries to communicate to the viewers. In fact, there were quite a few instances when I could feel the goosebumps on my skin while watching Naruto. I mean, it takes a lot for an Anime series to make me feel so intensely for it. Or maybe it is the case with me. Actually, if I look back, I seem to have derived more out of animations, cartoon, and Anime when compared to series and movies involving human beings. Maybe I too fall into the category of weirdos, as people out here are generally labelled rightly.

Characters I admire most in the series, in order are:

1. Gaara
His silence and sheer power do the talking.
God. Period.


2. Naruto
Does all the talking. ''Never give up'' attitude and his Sexy skill (Orioke no jutsu (sexy no jutsu)) steal the show. :)


3. Kakashi
Agility and his perverted book (;)) are what impressed me the most.

4. Itachi
Someone who treats everyone else as non essential.

5. Shikamaru
I just fell in love with his lines: ''Too much trouble'' and ''I give uppp!!!''

6. Orochimaru
Wickedness personified. I worship him.

7. Sasuke
Wannabe, a child prodigy, and a smart boy.

8. Rock Lee
I wish I had the will to work as hard as him. I so wish... But then it is too much trouble you see. ;)

9. Haku
Love your saviour like there is no one else, whether he is right or wrong.

10. Konohamaru
Hokage's grandson, great fun!

I miss the series. It was great fun watching it and it was a source of inspiration amidst all the things around me. I am eager to get back after the vacation and watch a few selected episodes all over again. I seriously recommend the series to all, who are looking for a good time and a great way to learn a few values.

@Paapi and Victor: I throw you guys an open invitation to come over to watch a few episodes again.

Ahhh yess!!!

Last exam. Peace.

Two make ups tomorrow. Damn.

Ditch.

Brain Dead?

When, why and how does degeneracy set in? Am I degenerating? Has my thinking capacity gone down or is it just that I am a bit rusty right now? Is it going to stay this way? Will I be able to get back to the old me who was supposedly smart, intelligent, witty and logical?

Well, I have been busting my head over these questions for quite some time now. Maybe the post is a result of the cumulative effect of the contemplation that I have been doing over the past few weeks, and it had to come during my exam time. Exams do give you a good feel of where exactly you stand. My father has always taken the stand that one gets what he/she deserves and examinations are a perfect way of assessing one's abilities and working capabilities. I am sure a lot of people would love to refute me on this point. There is one simple argument which I feel is good enough, at least for me, to believe what my father says is right. I might sound very filmy around here, but that’s ok, some times even films reflect a few real life situations. If some one is actually good and is supposed to get something and doesn’t get it, nothing can be a logical explanation for him/her not having got what they supposedly deserved. The explanation will only be an excuse, never really a strong hold reason to refute the fact that the person was just not up to the required standards, in whatever context it may be.

Considering the fact that a lot of my friends and peers are right now going through the ‘applying for higher studies’, ‘applying for jobs’, ‘writing competitive exams’ etc mode, and myself fitting in a few of these at times, I have formed an opinion about the state of the result of any process that a human being seems to be involved in. The process, in some way or the other beats the person if he is not worth it. Now the argument against this hypothesis can involve a lot of real life examples. People will say that this person did not get this particular thing, yes agreed, but how did another person who did not really deserve some particular thing end up getting it?

It all lies in what we have been told is a standard for believing some thing. This person who supposedly did not deserve what he/she has got was somehow able to manage the situation or the process on the given day in such a way that things turned for him/her. Hence that shows the capability, of course in some different capacity. Eventually he got something because he made it to be his. Nothing comes walking to anyone. Those who get or achieve something, make it theirs and never really is anything a matter of luck or fate. And those who do not get something do not get it because there was something missing in them, something that let the situation slip away. Maybe this particular person was way better than the person who came out successful in the process in a lot of ways, but there was definitely a reason why the other person made it and this person was left behind. Now that is what the process beats you at. This might sound clichéd but it is very important to know what exactly it means. This actually helps to take the situations in a much better fashion as one learns to attribute their success or loss to their own doing and circumstances do not have any role whatsoever.

I tried to analyze my own doings and mis-doings over the past few years and tried to recollect what exactly happened and what things I did right and what things I did wrong. Well, today after having written an exam where I was doing nothing but complicating problems that would have been solved by me, had I written the exam with a mind that was seasoned to thinking and creativity a few years ago, I felt that I am no more what I was. Having come to a prestigious institute, I am supposed to have improved in thinking and expected to have a good grasp of technical knowledge and a feel for it. Those things kept aside, right now, I am not really confident about doing my numbers right. This does not pertain to the academics or career alone.

Two years ago, I would have spoken with a flair for irrefutable logic. Not that I cannot do so anymore, but I tend to drift away and blurt out base less statements, which can be brought down by a sensitive and alert mind within no time. Or maybe I feel that such is the case. Am I expecting a lot from myself or is it that I have degenerated and I am actually living it? I was creative, I used to draw and paint. I do not seem to be doing that anymore. I was good at math, I still am maybe, but I do not see myself doing any math nowadays. I used to enjoy good music. I do so even now, but I rarely listen to music now. I used to play. Now I can count the number of days on my fingers when I have actually gone down to play something in the current semester. Why this degeneracy? How?

What does one require? Sustained effort to head somewhere? Focus? But why? I believe that if one is really passionate about something then focus and sustained effort follow. Has this place not offered me anything that I can find passionate, or have I not done enough to understand and take up something that would have ignited a fire in me? Somewhere something has gone wrong. I am trying to trace my path back and figure out what went wrong? Is it only me who feels this way or are there quite a few people who go through a similar phase? I know it is not really a phase. It is more of a reality. I hate it when I feel that I am being averaged out. Yes, it is to a certain extent a big ego issue. ‘I’ has to stay, only then will there be some meaning to what I do. In turn, what I do gives meaning to ‘I’.

One need not consciously work and hence make oneself better about being in a good shape, be it mental, physical or emotional. Just being true to one’s interests and continuing the interest with certain discipline is what is of utmost importance. Other mundane things will come and go, it is only the interest that sustains one’s life. The most important thing is to learn that one should be the best at what one does and no job is an inferior job. Of course, the only way to have continued interest in anything would be to develop several interests over a period of time and hence broaden one’s perspective and the capacity to think. The ability to think might be a gift, but how well you nurture it is decided by how well you use it.

Hope I figure out soon what my real passion is and where I want to head. I do not want to feel tired of thinking and contemplating the reasons why I feel I have become degenerate or ‘have I actually become degenerate?’. I want to feel proud of myself ASAP.

We are all influenced. Those stand out who form their own paths through the influences. Do more and you will be able to do even more. That is how life works.

If you are not busy being BORN, you are busy being DEAD.

P.S.: Lite ra mama! ;)

P.P.S.: Thanks to Emma Gay( I like it!) MGM, CB, Kaka, Sania and the 'one and only' Gabbar who was probably THE person I had to meet to survive a real long day.

Special mention: Crap aka Crotchety for his Joint effort.

ICE & I

YES! There is internal combustion happening in my stomach. I have severe acidity. I am sleep deprived. The piston rings are about to fail and let the lubricating juices come out any moment. To top it all, I forgot where the relief valve is located.

In raw words, 'I am screwed' and I cannot help it.
Someone get me some antacid please.

STOP!!! This will change your life

You disappoint me if you are reading this post because you found the title catchy and interesting. I am sorry. Anyways, titles are meant to draw people to whatever they reflect. So I guess, the job is done. This one is written more for my own understanding and to reflect upon opinions. Have a close look at the web shot and if to see in precisely what the smaller text reads, enlarge the image in a new window. By sheer coincidence I happened to bump into this particular web page 'Expert of Persuasion'. Trust me it was a pure accident. I couldn't stop laughing for while and slowly it started sickening me.

Oh wait a minute! I am being conned by my family and friends. Everyone who talks to me wants to get something out of me and they do so without my knowledge.

Is that what these guys expect me to say? Sick!

I mean, let me look at it logically. If I am aware of the fact that people talk to me and get things done by me which they want me to do, then how on earth are they able to do it without my knowledge. My awareness is my knowledge. I am sure, any tom, dick and harry would agree with me. So how could I possibly know that someone is conning me without my knowledge of it and still be aware of that some one's existence and the fact that they are conning me?

I remember having read a strip, where Calvin is telling Hobbes that the best way to make money is to write a book on 'How to write a Self Improvement book'. Of course, it was Bill Watterson behind the child's brain. The bottom line is, the statement made a whole lot of sense. When I walk into any bookstore, I see at least 10% of the prime stacks or rows of books dedicated exclusively to 'Self Improvement'. It is just one of the myriad number of words or rather, phrase used for signifying something that has been so cleanly devised and whose sole purpose is to make the thoughts of the people who read such books even more convoluted. Eventually people who get into reading one of the zillions of books available in this genre, end up in a vicious cycle and they cannot live without such books. People call tobacco an addiction. I don't think there is anything more implicating an addiction than getting into the loop of 'Self Improvement'.

Let's get back to the web shot. It says, "Yes I am serious about improving my life and I am willing to learn new things". Holy mother! I ask myself, whether I want to improve my life. Pat comes the reply, "grass is always greener on the other side". Next I ask myself, whether I am willing to learn new things. Heck yes! I mean, come on, who wouldn't want to? Life is all about learning new things all the time, isn't it?

That is just my opinion. For my own sanity and clarity, I want to elucidate on why I feel so. Firstly, what does one define as a 'good life'? Today I would say that having a job good enough to get me two square meals a day, is what would make me feel that I am having a good life. A short while later, my thoughts run and I feel that I need to have good clothes to wear. Even before I am done consolidating my thoughts, my mind says that I need to have a house of my own and eventually a good car, a better job, hefty pay packet, beautiful wife, obedient and smart kids, industries, more money, one more house, ability to travel around the world... SHUT UP! Phew... Sorry for that. Sometimes my mind becomes a bit unruly. Never mind. Well, that was the materialistic part. On a different front, one can start thinking about the spiritual and moral aspects of life. I cannot really delve more into the nuances of those, as I feel that I myself am not really clear about life's meaning on those fronts. My point being, there is no end to what you want out of life. There is always scope for better things, in whatever context they be. Hence improvement is dynamic and is merely a state of definition. It varies for every person and is a perpetual one. PERENNIAL. Period. Perpetual, Perennial, Period... P for Plagiarism. Never mind. Period.

In one of the chats that I was having with my friend in the recent past, I happened to say that an artist's life would be the most peaceful and the best one. I went to the extent of saying that I would kill for an artist's life. My perception of such a life was quite rosy I would say. I thought that artist's do things at their own pace and only to their liking. They have no inhibitions about their work. And since the majority of the artists I have seen are not really materialistic in nature, and those who do possess materialistic things, have them not because they want them, but because their position and ability has provided them with it. What can be more enticing a life than living it by doing only the things that you love? My friend warned me and gave me a brief on something called as 'artist's block'. Only when I was able to understand what he was trying to tell me did I figure out that an artist's life could be hell and worse.

Is life all about wanting better things in life all the time? Or is it making the best of the things available? I guess the best solution to such questions would be to leave them as questions. Reflecting on these in solitude, and speculating are the best answers to the problems posed. Whatever it be, thinking that my friends and family are working their way about getting me do the things they want me to do for them would be the last thing I would want to do as a human. Disgusting! I hope, at the end of the post, I have not become one of those who con people into reading their stuff. Even if I have, heck, I don't care. I got my thoughts all sorted out now.

Agent 'Goosebumps' Smith

I sit down to plan my studies for the night as I have to give a make up examination tomorrow morning in IC Engines. I know, I know, you must be thinking that wow, what an amazing subject. Unfortunately, out here, it is as dry as it can get. It could have been far more interesting and I must say that I had more enthusiasm for automobiles before this course started as a part of my curriculum. Never mind, I still am a big automobile enthusiast.

Anyways, as I was saying, I sit down to plan my studies and decide that I shall start studying after watching a glimpse of a good movie for a while. Somehow, my mind decides upon 'The Matrix' and oh boy, I am not complaining. Smith managed to give me goosebumps, once more. Brilliant dialogues and even better dialogue delivery. The role of agent smith was just tailor made for Hugo Weaving.

Here is just a small excerpt from the movie. Try re-living it, I am sure you will have a wonderful time.


"Morpheus! Evolution, like the dinosaur... look out of that window."

"I would like to share a revelation I have had during my time here. It came to me when I tried to classify your species. I realized that you are not actually mammals. Every mammal on this planet instinctively develops a natural equilibrium with the surrounding environment, but you humans do not. You move to an area and you multiply, and multiply until every natural resource is consumed. The only way you can survive is to spread to another area."

"There is another organism on this planet that follows the same pattern. Do you know what it is? A Virus. Human beings are a disease, a cancer of this planet. You, are a plague, and we, are the cure..."

"...Can you hear me Morpheus? I am going to be honest with you. I hate this place. This zoo, this prison, this reality, whatever you wanna call it. I cant stand it any longer. It is the smell, if there is such a thing. I feel saturated by it. I can taste your stink and everytime I do, I fear that I have been somehow infected by it. Its repulsive, isn't it? I must get out of here. I must get free. And this mind is the key, my key.''

Smith is GOD. Period.

P.S.: I guess, I will crack the exam tomorrow.

Who the KING?

Notice someone?

Snob.

''Yeah! 'sup?''

''Huh!''

''All right.''

''We'll see.''

''Whatever. Like I care.''

''Later.''

Phew!!! Amazing sequence ain't it? It was this morning when I was headed for the daily chores, that I noticed 'The King' majestically seated on his throne.

Thanks to my 'N72' and its sequence mode of taking images (I so love bragging), I didn't have to miss out on one of the greatest photo opportunities in the recent times.. :)

See you around KING. Very soon.

Expression

I am about to go to sleep and being in the place I am, I can possibly relate everything to sleep. Well, a sane and normal person here, is either 'sleep deprived' or has 'over slept' on any given day. I do not understand why it is so, but then, not everything is under your control all the time.

The crux of this post is how things take shape and have an impact merely on the basis of the expression. When I thought of sleeping the word 'crash' came to my mind and it struck me that I should jot down the importance of what I was associating with 'crash'. I will put down what exactly happened that made me understand the implications of different expressions and leave the analysis to all those who have the capacity to think and would want to analyze even the most trivial things to the greatest detail. Well of course, some times, even I fall into that category *smirks*.

Setting: A class room with 'n' students and a very diligent professor who is trying to convey some message to the 'not so' diligent students. One of my friends is happily sleeping and another is explaining to me, the unparalleled ability to sleep, of the first one. For simplicity let us call the friend who is sleeping as X and the one who is in awe of such an ability as Y.

The simple fact that X is sleeping continuously over a period of four classes could have been expressed in ways as described below. As I mentioned before, I will leave the analysis of the two ways to people who would admire the subtle differences in the two, and the relatively big differences in their impacts, and also appreciate the nuances of the two.

* ''Dude! This guy has been crashing for the last four classes in a row. I don't understand how he manages to do something like that man. ''

* ''Dude! *Pointing at X's weary head* You know what this guy's been up to since the morning? Let me tell you the amount of efforts he has been putting in, in the past few classes. First hour, crash. Second hour, crrash. Third hour, crrrassh. And now, again, crrrassshh.''

No prizes for guessing that Y used the second way of expressing the situation. I am in awe of both X and Y, for obvious reasons. I would love to sleep, unperturbed by anything whatsoever. Every single fact can be stated in a way that amplifies the possible impact. I wish I learn to do it too. Every time.