Elements

Recursion screws Reality Checks

I got up to the sound of my alarm after disabling it multiple times and letting it go into snooze mode. After a lot of procrastination I woke up to the realization that I had a lot of work on my hands. And considering the fact that it was a Friday, I had to wind up a lot of things so that I could have the weekend to myself. With a completely focused mind, I managed to sit up in my bed and was hoping that someone would bring me my cup of tea. Two more minutes on the bed, and I realized that I was staying alone. My mornings usually started this way. It was time to get up and start the morning chores. I thought that it was going to be one of those usual days again.

Jason, my Labrador, was happily sleeping at the door when I got up to collect the newspaper and the milk. He noticed my feet and the lazy fellow that he is, did not bother to move a single muscle. I had to literally lift him and put him to the side. The milkman hadn't been paid in two months, and I didn't want to miss doing so today. I opened the door just in time to notice that someone was dropping the milk packets. Walking towards the gate, I realized that the person started moving away despite me having not paid up for nearly two months. The milk man was a fairly calculative person, and it was surprising to even think that he would let his pay slip away for another day.

With longer strides, I started making a dash towards the gate, and with every stride it appeared that the silhouette of the delivery person was that of a girl. Lack of sleep could cause the imagination to run wild. I thought that I was probably hallucinating, and increased my pace further to catch up with the person who was delivering the milk. By the time I reached the gate, I was pretty sure that the person was a girl. She had moved further away, and it appeared
as if she faded away into thin air. Before she completely disappeared, I caught a glimpse of her flowing straight hair. It would be unfair to say that I made a whole hearted attempt to speak up and make her stop. It would also be unfair to blame it on myself. The silhoutte was encapsulating, and probably I couldn't think much. Nevertheless, at the end of it, I thought it was a nice little kick for a Friday morning. I collected the milk and the newspaper and headed back towards the door, but couldn't dismiss the thoughts coming to me. Who was she ? Why am I thinking so much ? Is she familiar ? Bah! Time to finish the chores and head for work.

Within an hour I was done with all my work at home, fixed myself some good tea and had a swift breakfast. Breakfast always tasted good, thanks to Jason's company. He always had a hearty meal when given a chair to sit on, and allowed to have his meal on the dining table. His crunching and munching made me feel civilized and I took great pleasure in that. Jason never had a problem in my relative comparison, or probably he never bothered about it. In any case, I was the homo sapien here and I had all the right to feel good. Somewhere I felt that maybe Jason is feeling the same. I guess it was best left that way, we never discussed how I felt about it or how he felt about it. It was perfect as long as both of us had a good time eating.

I took my bicycle, and with the backpack containing my notebook and other stationary clinging on to my back, I felt like a compact package. It felt as if I could sneak through any gap in the traffic, manage and maneuver any move to reach my office on time. This was my regular road, and it usually took me fifteen minutes or lesser to cover the distance. At the first junction, I was looking at the billboards while waiting for the light to turn green. It must have been a little before the lights turned yellow that I thought I saw her again. Yes! there was no doubt about it. It was her. She was walking away on the perpendicular road. This time I could clearly see her elegant walk. Her hair seemed longer now, and somehow I felt that she would be a very pretty girl, though I had not got an opportunity to see her face yet. She was in a totally different attire. It made me think twice about my perceptions. Maybe I was truly hallucinating. The blaring horns and ugly swearing by the frustrated drivers in the morning time brought me back to my senses. I was riding my bicycle cross ways, and had successfully managed to evade becoming pulp on the tar. I was lucky.

I continued riding in the direction of the girl. I was a few hundred metres behind her, when she stopped, and I increased my pace. I was hoping that she had not stopped to catch a ride to wherever she was headed. She turned towards the road, and I could see her pristine glowing skin. I couldn't trust myself. I thought to myself that this girl wouldn't need a halo as a testimony for being a goddess. She started waving her hand at the taxis on the road. Somehow, I felt things spiralling out of control. I wanted to reach there faster, and was hoping that all rides on the road would run out of gas at that very moment and she would be stranded and there by giving me that little window to see her in her entirety. I noticed a taxi slowing down, and was cursing the driver with all the spite I could gather. I was hoping that he wouldn't stop.

Heck! Who wouldn't stop?

Murphy proved to be right again.

Before I could clearly notice her features, the car had stopped, and she bent herself, oh so gently, and within no time was in the car. I was panting now, and literally wished that I could be superman or spiderman, or even better, the fantastic four put together in one. 'Bah! Get out of the dreamland' I told myself, and pedalled harder.

Then it happened.

Na! I didnt see her.

'High hopes mister' is what god wanted to tell me. Instead he gave me a few cuts here and there, three pieces of my bicycle, a bad dent on the car ahead of me, and of course, all the slang that a mob can ever think of. It is strange how people find it amusing to get into a random situation which they are not a part of, but end up deriving pleasure by getting into one. Anyway, now I was back on my way to work, not in the same state though. I was short of a few thousand bucks, a bicycle, and with a shattered notebook, and the beautiful adjectives that the crowd gave me still ringing in my ears.

Friday had become largely interesting by now, and I was not really sure if I wanted more. Work took over, and of course, things got dull again. But then, I have the knack of making things interesting for myself. All I did the whole day was think about the girl, who I missed twice. I was trying to draw a connect between the two situations I saw her in. The pictures of a girl dropping milk packets, and an elegant girl walking with great poise on the street were poles apart. Thanks to me spending time in my thought experiments, I ended up doing hardly anything, and by evening, I knew that I was in a big soup. My colleagues had begun giving me strange looks, and indicating that people weren't really admiring my idle state. I gave a smirk everytime I saw a face, and got back to my thinking. When it struck 6 in the evening, my colleague informed me that I was to be in the Director's office in the next thirty seconds. I was wondering what else could be in store for me.

A strange feeling started cropping up in my tummy, and the intensity only increased with every step towards the big man's office. Through the frosted glass, I could see that there were two people inside the chamber. I was hoping that if I was going to be fired, might as well be in private. The thought of yet another person in the chamber made me realize that things are not always the way you want them to be. I was at the door now, wondering whether to go in or stay till the big man himself came to the door all angry and pulled me inside. The more humane side of me took over, and I decided to not give the old man a higher blood pressure. I knocked, turned the knob and peeped in.

With the opening of the door, I could smell a fragrance which was unusual for the Director's chamber. He asked me to come in. The other person in the chamber was a lady with her back turned towards me. All I could see was her hair, her slender fingers tapping against her right cheek, and the stud in her right ear. Every contact that her fingers made with her cheek seemed like a drop of water hitting a water surface in slow motion. The blue stud shone bright enough to
live up to her radiance. I still was not able to see her face. By now, I was pretty sure that it was the same girl whom I had missed twice through the day. Why was I seeing her again? Who was she ? I had so many questions. But they could wait.

I wanted to see her face, to realize what a goddess looks like. I completely ignored my Director, as I probably was in a trance, and went straight to her. I turned her chair towards me. The time she took to turn her face by a degree was equivalent to a lifetime of mine. By now I was sure I was hallucinating. But lord! what a blissful sight.

I was spell bound, and moved my hands to hold her face. Instead of seeing my hands reach out to her face, I saw hers reaching out to mine. I could hear vague loud noises in the background. People shouting, cars halting and screeching tires and an absolute sense of chaos was prevalent. She was now holding my face in her hands. Quite contrary to what I wanted to do, I thought. Somewhere in between, all the noise stopped, and it made me wonder. I couldn't open my jaw,
it felt stuck. I looked down, and saw that my clothes were marginally blood stained. I did not panic. I was pretty sure I was sitting my director's office admiring the beauty of this girl.

Someone shouted again, 'Get him some water!'. Ah! ignorant fools, I thought.

I kept looking into her eyes. I could see that her lips were wavering, and she was trying to tell me something. Once again, all noise stopped, and I heard the most soothing voice ever say 'You all right?' I looked at her, looked around, looked back at her again. Now I realized that I was truly hallucinating since the accident. Before my mind could process all information, she put me in her lap, and asked me to relax. Looking around was not an option anymore. But, I had seen enough to realize that I was a wreck. I passed out.

She said, 'Are you all right?' once again. She continued speaking, 'Get up! get up! are you all right?' I snapped and woke up, only to find that my fiance was sitting right next to me, trying to make sense out of what was happening to me. I realized that all of it was a dream, and I was seeing her everywhere.

Phew! I replied 'I am fine', and took her tensed face in my hands and was about to plant a kiss on her forehead...

...Trrrrrrrrrrrrrng!

Damn it! The alarm woke me up. Jason was fast asleep, and it was time to fetch the newspaper and the milk. I walked towards the door, and then proceeded towards the gate after helping Jason move himself. As I started walking towards the gate, I saw the silhoutte of the person dropping the milk. It was a girl.

Laetitia

I sketched this one in 2004, and thought that I should post a snap of it for the record.


PS : Its an A2 size portrait.

S

:-)

Homecoming

First day:
Pleasant surprise at the station. Beautiful drive with great company.
Breakfast : 5 chappatis, 5 servings of mango pulp, 5 servings of stuffed capsicum, mango pickles, two glasses of thick butter milk, carrot halwa and guavas.
Quick ride in the afternoon and three hours of being in the elements.
2 pitchers, and 2 good ones, and one wild ride back home.

Quite an eventful day for the first one at home.

I got the license to live, but I wish I could trade it for a few more days at the place which gave me the license.

I was told...

... that I am an exceptional electron.

I wanna leave before it gets any more haunting.

Shock waves

'Muzn't weep. Muz do.'

Deja cracked a beautiful quote, and it was just perfect for this moment in my life.
Work Caesar work. Just a little more, just a little more.

PS : It takes only 4.5 hours to lead a full life. :)

and then spoke GRV...

Writing on a compound wall at a signal: Love ever, hurt never.

I deliberately ask GRV, what he thinks is the summary of the statement?

Reply: 'Never have too many virgins'.

Voyageur by Enigma

Conditions under which I heard this track for the first time:
Driving down lanes at 630 pm at 100 kmph in a zen(puns couldn't get any better) on a beautiful winter evening in Bangalore, when it was pitch dark and the street lights were still not on, on a beautiful high, and not to forget, the headlights of the car being switched off.

Pure madness and pure bliss.

PS: This post is dedicated to one of my best friends Shaggy aka Vyshak.

Sketchy day

It has been a good day so far.
It began with me doing one of my better works so far, a portrait, and did so in a record cumulative time at midnight.

And a while back, Misre gave me a set of 12 graphic sketching pencils from Derwent.

Wish to become better, to be worthy of possessing a set like this one some day.

Happy feet

The legs float and are unsure of their existence.
The light saves the day, and proves them wrong;
also wonders why is it still called 'saving the day', when it is the night that has been saved.

And then, the bird flies.

PS : Night photography would be so much better with an SLR.

Soon

If we admit that human life can be ruled by reason, the possibility of life is destroyed.
- Alexander Supertramp

Soon, my time, for myself, is coming. Looking forward to it, with every breath.

I realized that

all human beings are equal. Some are more human than the others.

July 25th - part II

Thanks a lot Vatsap for the portrait.
Cheers!

July 25th

The title is the day this man was born some time ago.


Oh! By the way, so was I.

PS : This portrait comes after a fairly long break in my sketching calendar.

As an aside, now I should get busy with saving my BTP. :)

Breakthrough ?

Ladies and gentlemen,

We might be witnessing the next big thing.
New materials discovered which capture Carbon Dioxide up to 60 times their volume.

For more details click here.

I need more time

There is just too much Carbon Dioxide to be captured,
too many lives to be saved,
too many trees to be planted,
too many things to be learnt,
too much of gray matter under utilized,
too many people to be met,
too many places to visit,
too much wealth to be created,
too many adventures to be experienced,

and of course,
too much of beer to be guzzled.

Got the drift ? :D

Mumbai Balconies & Bengaluru Beer

Coming soon. Every alternate weekend.

PS : Everyone who can afford the to and fro travel is free to join. Requests to sponsor the trips as well might be considered on a case to case basis, the prime factor being how trippy can the applicant get.

PPS : A blog shall be up soon and all those who participate in the proceedings of MBBB may contribute to the blog. Please leave a comment if you would like to join some time.

Credits : Vatsap for the design

Wall (?) - Good or Bad ?

A lot has been happening in my life and lives of people around and close to me of late. A lot has always happened, but the recent happenings appear to carry more significance even in the short attention span than most other events did in their short term attention spans in my life. A lot has been learnt, and there does not seem to be a bottom line per se, but only learning, and more of it.
I had started believing firmly that the reason why people start pursuing materialistic pleasures is because pursuing relations or human beings is just not worth it. Parallely, I was contradicting myself, because I wanted to still pursue feelings, and the pain and pleasure they offer.

Amidst all this, it appeared to me that things are just not the same anymore. Most things around seem like a farce. I had begun trying to read between the lines with every person. I had actually begun implementing an advice given to me long ago on a jovial note, and had begun telling people what they wanted to hear and not what I wanted to say. I was losing my genuine behavior, the true me. Slowly, I had begun forming a protective shell around me. Is it good ? The wall that I was trying to create, and not letting people penetrate it and at the same time being scared about the shell enveloping me completely, was a kind of a contradiction. Was the act of two timing my own mind bad ? I had begun to firmly believe that nobody is genuine and the best thing is to avoid any situation where I would be vulnerable and would end up in a situation where I would get hurt.

All said and done, it was chaos, and usually things get sorted out, but this was increasingly becoming a trouble.

Yesterday, over a chat on a drive, Gabbar, who is one of my friends and happens to be an alumnus of my hostel, gave me some food for thought. He did not particularly classify people as genuine and not so genuine. People are different. But if one starts to create a shell around himself, he/she ends up portraying a character that he/she isn't. The perception offered to people is an illusion by itself, hence the judgment that people make of one is a completely distorted one. This in turn leads to a false circle being formed around oneself.

One would be blocking the only window that one has to the outer world : Oneself. In the longer run, the people who get filtered and eventually stick with you are the people who know the true person in you and are similar to you. Hence, by pretending to be someone else, you are taking away the possibility of similar people coming towards you.

In any case, cheers to genuineness. Anybody for a cold beer ?

PS : Had one of the best times of my life last night. Looking forward to the next few years in Bangalore which promise more such times.